Novel – Gift of Desperation

Welcome! I have novelized over two decades of 12 step recovery and art for healing  into my novel, Gift of Desperation.

Get ready for a fast paced, steamy ride with Claire Sebastian as she ventures into the depths of desperation and her addiction and how she starts to find her way out into hope through recovery and art for healing. This is a provocative story of hope and inspiration wound  around my real artwork. (All characters are fictional)

Front Cover 8.7.14

PURCHASE the ebook or softback at:

Back of Book:

Everyone has secrets and Claire Sebastian is no exception. As a child, her secrets forced Claire to run to and hide under Aunt Jo’s quilts for protection. But 20 years later as a junior curator at the National Museum of Women in the Arts in Washington, D.C., Claire is still running. By day, she is very professional with a big bright smile, but by night Claire likes to drink and has a serious desire for men. While she thinks she is just a party girl, her secrets lead Claire to a very dark and dangerous place.

It’s not until Claire is tasked with curating a show entitled Art and Healing that she begins to face her secrets. However, just as Claire is starting to understand her past, she stumbles into a horrible, familiar situation. About the same time, her childhood friend Evi, a wounded warrior returns to D.C. With Evi’s help, Claire begins to find hope and heal.


As her eyes adjusted to the light sneaking in from the drawn blinds, Claire Sebastian realized she was in a strange room tangled in the arms of a naked, snoring man. She tried to sneak out of bed, but caught a whiff of his noxious breath—a mixture of stale beer and sex—and tumbled to the floor instead, taking the sheet with her. The man grumbled grabbing the pillow, let out a loud fart, and snuggled back into dream land.

As Claire found her footing, she threw the sheet on him. She then followed, “I Can’t Get No Satisfaction,” by the Rolling Stones to her purse where she found her buried cell phone. It was her best friend, Lexie, one of the “Four Amigos” from her college days.

“How was it? He was gorgeous!” Lexie screeched.

“Great,” Claire whispered; wishing she could remember. “But I can’t really talk now.”

“Oh, okay!” Lexie said, “I’ll call you later.”

Claire thought she might be sick as she searched for her screw me now outfit. First she scrambled into her peach silk bra and panties. Then she pulled on her tight aqua V neck t-shirt that revealed her ample cleavage. It made her shoulder-length, straight, brown hair shine like honey, and turned her hazel eyes into the color of the Caribbean Sea.

The night started to crystallize in her mind as Claire shimmied into her skinny, brown jeans that made her small butt pop just enough to say, like the junk in my trunk? The bridal shower—at the bar—the guy. He was gorgeous and he was talking to her! The anxiety about the bridal shower and being the last woman standing in the marriage arena was replaced by excitement for the attention, and the prospect of love. The drinks were strong, the music was loud, and he wanted her. Her!

What was his name? Michael, Mike, Mitch. Did they use a condom? Jesus, what if she got pregnant, aids, or another sexually-transmitted disease? Before she skulked out of the apartment, she stopped to look through his mail where she found it; his name was Mitch. She took a picture with her phone and wrote a note with her name and number in case he wanted to reach her. She slid on her cowboy boots and left.

The bright sun temporarily blinded Claire. Looking for a taxi she began to search frantically in her purse. Where was it? She knew she put it in there before going out last night. The harder she looked, the more anxious she got, finding it difficult to breath. Her hand grabbed her wallet—No! Her Keys—No! Her Cellphone—No! No! No! As her hand felt the shiny cold metal, she breathed a sigh of relief and said out loud, “There you are!” The vodka she kept for emergencies.

What was the emergency? Oh yea, her head hurt, her eyes stung, and her coochy-coochy was sore. Wow, what kind of sex did we have? It was probably great sex …


Nov 20, 2014, from Vivian T. in Maryland:

I finished the novel yesterday.  It was great.  I loved how the author described each piece of art and then followed it with a narrative description from the Diary.  Very clever!! 

–The novel was a quick read.  I could not put it down.  It was well done for a first novel.  I look forward to reading about Claire again!! 

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